Lies that keep us overwhelmed with my coach Jessica McKinley Uyeno

This week on The Less Stressed Life Podcast, I have my dear friend and coach Jessica McKinley Uyeno on to talk about mindset. Jess is a Life & Business Coach for women who want big lives and big businesses. She’s a believer in doing the math and creating some magic. One of my favorite things she says is, "those who don't believe in magic will never find it." Are your thoughts holding you back? What mindset can help you level up all areas of your life? Jess is here to tell us how!

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• High quality vs low quality questions
• Are you asking yourself the wrong questions?
• What are the results that you want?
• What is the "let go?"
• How do you believe in new stories about yourself?
• What are 7 steps to believing new things?
• How to create a lifestyle you want without complicating it
• How can you become an effective decision maker?
• Mindsets to make your life simpler

Other Episodes with Jess:

• #041 How to Figure Your Sh*t Out & Make Effective Decisions with Happiness Scientist Jessica McKinley
• #130 Brain hacking to reach a goal with Life and Business Coach Jessica McKinley

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ABOUT GUEST:
Jess is a Life & Business Coach for women who want big lives and big businesses. She’s a believer in doing the math and creating some magic. She’s on a mission to help women shift their axis when it comes to time, money & CEO level decision making. In her life she’s evolved from Spanish/Moroccan Tour Guide to A Cappella Festival Producer to Fitness Coach to Multi-six figure business coach. And she just had her second baby in the mix. Want a big life and business too? Buckle up.

Find the visualization exercise Jess talked about in the podcast here:  Sincerely, Future You Episode 177 A Visualization Exercise for Winning

WHERE TO FIND:
Website: https://www.sincerelyfutureyou.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jessmckinleyuyeno/
Podcast: Sincerely, Future You

WHERE TO FIND CHRISTA:
Website: https://www.christabiegler.com/
Instagram: @anti.inflammatory.nutritionist
Podcast Instagram: @lessstressedlife
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@lessstressedlife
Leave a review, submit a questions for the podcast or take one of my quizzes here: https://www.christabiegler.com/links

WORK WITH CHRISTA:
Food Sensitivity & Fatigue Freedom Enrollment Is Now Open! This is the last opportunity to work with me in 2023! To book a mini case review, click here!

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TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Christa Biegler: Stress is the inflammation that robs us of life, energy, and happiness. Our typical solutions for gut health and hormone balance have let a lot of us down. We're over medicated and underserved. At The Less Stressed Life, we're a community of health savvy women exploring solutions outside of our traditional Western medicine toolbox and training to raise the bar and change our stories.

[00:00:26] Christa Biegler: Each week, our hope is that you leave our sessions inspired to learn, grow, and share these stories to raise the bar in your life and home.

[00:00:45] Christa Biegler: Today on the less stressed life, I have returned guests, someone I love so much. And I've known since really the beginning of my online business journey is Jess McKinley. We know she is a life and business coach for women who want big lives and big businesses. She's a believer in doing the math and creating some magic.

[00:01:02] Christa Biegler: This is a new bio. She's on a mission to help women shift their access when it comes to time, money, and CEO level decision making. This is why I'm always surprised when I talk to her. I'm like, when were you a tour guide for Morocco? Like when was this in her life?

[00:01:18] Christa Biegler: She's evolved from a Spanish Moroccan tour guide to an acapella festival. Also was shocked by this. You were like, I miss singing. I'm like, when was this, to fitness coach to multi six figure business coach. And she just had her second baby in the mix want a big life and a big business to buckle up.

[00:01:35] Christa Biegler: And that's kind of, I feel when I talked to Jess, she's always been, since I've known her in probably 2015, 2016, she's always been the girl who read the most personal development books of all. And I know she's really living out her life purpose, helping so many women. And I love when she comes and drops, lots of knowledge on me.

[00:01:52] Christa Biegler: So welcome back to the show. Jess. 

[00:01:54] Jessica McKinley: Get ready for all the knowledge to be dropped, including personal anecdotes from my past lives as a Spanish tour guide. And I know you're going to Spain soon, so maybe some of that will pop up relevant. Yeah. And back to when my life was like the actual plot of Pitch Perfect, all those things that they're making fun of people for taking suits.

[00:02:15] Jessica McKinley: Their lives so seriously in that acapella world. That was my real life. 

[00:02:20] Christa Biegler: I, really honestly wish I could tuck you in my back pocket to go to Spain with me next week. You would be very joyful to, travel with. So maybe I'll put that on my future vision board because I haven't seen you in person in years and I was about to see you in person soon, which I'm not sure if that's going to happen and it wasn't really an event, but I feel like a fun trip could be a good time.

[00:02:42] Jessica McKinley: Oh, yeah, 

[00:02:43] Christa Biegler: I'm gonna put it on the old vision board. 

[00:02:45] Jessica McKinley: A line are my top 4 countries right now that I want to go to Argentina, Turkey, Japan. Those are really the top three, pretty clearly. 

[00:02:55] Christa Biegler: Okay. 

[00:02:55] Jessica McKinley: Maybe South Africa. 

[00:02:57] Christa Biegler: Okay. 

[00:02:57] Christa Biegler: I have like a special place in my heart for all of South America. And I think you do too.

[00:03:02] Christa Biegler: You also did some things in Peru, weren't you also something in Peru? Did you live there? Were you also doing some kind of guide? 

[00:03:08] Jessica McKinley: I managed a youth hostel in Arequipa, Peru. And then. You know, I was in Lima for a bit and I traveled around, definitely went into the Amazon and Machu Picchu, but this was all past lives right now.

[00:03:24] Jessica McKinley: We're here talking about business. 

[00:03:26] Christa Biegler: And here's the thing. It's kind of hard to understand. It's like, when did you have time to do that in your life? Like, it's incredible. 

[00:03:32] Jessica McKinley: What a good segue because I do think that when we think about a life, we think of it as this linear experience, right? It's like every decision that we're making is.

[00:03:43] Jessica McKinley: Somehow has to make sense on a path towards this future goal that we have. And I don't think of time that way. I think of it as an opportunity always to experience something big that I haven't experienced yet. And I think with business the same way, it's like, I'm always looking for what is my tendency and what am I good at?

[00:04:08] Jessica McKinley: What am I always doing in my business and then I want to break that rhythm so that I can find maybe a new avenue or a new edge for ultimately helping my clients because if I'm doing the same thing over and over again, then my clients are going to experience the same thing. 

[00:04:28] Christa Biegler: That's very interesting.

[00:04:29] Christa Biegler: I would question if that's gotten more challenging as you've become a parent and kind of mix that in because some of the spontaneity or ability, like, these are again, maybe a lie that we would tell ourselves, but, like, my brain is 1st, like, oh, but what about parenting that comes up all the time?

[00:04:46] Christa Biegler: Right? Like, oh, well, when you have kids, that's going to be your life. And so when you're trying to break rhythms or looking at your tendencies and you're trying to break these linear things. And so often people are looking for stability in this adult life. Like, what about this discord?

[00:05:02] Jessica McKinley: It's interesting. Tony Robbins has these, foundational pieces. I've never worked with him in particular, but I know that they're a common part of his teachings is that we have, I think it's seven different core human needs. I don't know if you know them off the top, but one is, stability. GRE work with him, and I'm just trying to figure out the details of what I wanted to do with this work.

[00:05:21] Jessica McKinley: Variety. And so like there's a lot of different polar opposite things that we crave as human beings. One is contribution. One is whatever, but I remembered not needing stability to be super high in my needs kind of ever. And it doesn't mean that I don't have a stable life. I think you're right.

[00:05:41] Jessica McKinley: As I've gotten older, I think the stability of understanding what my money situation will be, what my time situation will be, thinking more about my future and being more intentional about it does create stability, but when I think about parenting, I mean, breaking a rhythm to me is the same thing as just breaking a pattern of thinking.

[00:06:04] Jessica McKinley: And when I think about the type of parent I want to be, I don't think about who do I want to be. To my kids, I think who do I want to be as an example of what's possible for my kids. And I think that thought has freed me from a lot of the jail thoughts, let's call them that parents put on themselves of like, Oh, well, once I make the decision to become a parent, then I have to X, Y, Z.

[00:06:38] Jessica McKinley: And so I keep saying just had a baby, my daughter just turned one, so she's not just anymore, but, , my son is six and a half, so that definitely isn't a just anymore and big gap between the kids. And now my daughter being a baby, I was just talking to you, I leave for Costa Rica tomorrow on a trip.

[00:06:56] Jessica McKinley: We're not going to call it a vacation because it's with the kids, right? And there are pieces of my schedule that are dictated by the fact that I'm a parent. However, I love to remind myself, like, I don't have to do anything. It just frees you up in the way that you think about time. When I used to, with, when my son was little, I used to be like, when he wakes up from his nap and he starts crying, like I have to go get him.

[00:07:25] Jessica McKinley: And I think it's really powerful to remind yourself, you actually don't have to do anything. Let him cry in his room. You could whatever. Plenty of parents don't are negligent parents. I choose to be the type of parent that is available to my child when they're crying or they're hungry or whatever. And it just flips it a little bit to decide like, okay, I'm choosing that.

[00:07:51] Jessica McKinley: And from that perspective, I get to say. All right. Well, what kind of life do I want to have with my kids? Do I want to travel with them? Do I want to be I live in a very suburban town in New York. It's like probably the town that most Hollywood suburbia is like written after all the kids are all in every extracurricular everywhere here.

[00:08:17] Jessica McKinley: It's very keeping up with the Joneses where I live and it's I've been really thoughtful about like, okay, do I want this life? Do I want to be someone who is every weekend all the time at all the soccer tournaments? And I think. I watch people around me think, well, that's just what you do. You're a mom now.

[00:08:39] Jessica McKinley: You just have to do what your kid's schedule is. And when you don't believe that, you get to just be a little more intentional about it. My son does soccer and baseball and swimming, but it is important to remind myself that's a choice and I can opt out at any time. Moment. 

[00:08:55] Christa Biegler: Yeah. It feels like you have kind of good intentions, right?

[00:08:58] Christa Biegler: Oh, let's do the thing. I have like an opt in or, and I've been a chronic over committer, maybe my entire life or over full filling my plate. And so I think what happens is we opt in and then we kind of react to life. And also like integrity is important. So one of my core values. So integrity to me means follow through with something, but I also believe in what you do.

[00:09:17] Christa Biegler: I mean, so today, this morning, someone might say. You know, we say we shit all over ourselves. Today I was signing my kids up for like, like the county fairs, whatever. And then I get there and they're supposed to fill out like essentially seven questions of an essay about each craft project. And when you've got an eight year old boy, he's like, what? Is this.?

[00:09:37] Jessica McKinley: Yeah. 

[00:09:38] Christa Biegler: So I helped him write out the answers for the Lego, things that he constructed and made four copies and just put them on all of them. I was like, I do not care. This is working smarter, not harder. And some people may have really frowned on this, but I am okay with this. This did not challenge the integrity.

[00:09:53] Christa Biegler: That was a bit of a tangent, but what you're really talking about is. Overwhelmed, like you're going on this trip. And I think what happens so often to so many people is we get overwhelmed. Sometimes when people come into my program, they say, I am overwhelmed but I don't know how to respond to this gently and nicely.

[00:10:11] Christa Biegler: It's like, Oh, actually you were overwhelmed before. This is just adding to your overwhelm. Like I didn't create any overwhelm for you. This was already, that's how I feel about it, but I don't know how to express it necessarily when people say that. 

[00:10:24] Jessica McKinley: It's interesting. I also have a program where people come in. I teach scheduling. So I attract a client that already has thoughts about their time that are usually pretty messy when they come to me. So they already are coming to me thinking I want to Save time. You need to help me. I don't have that much time. They have that thought when they come to me and then they come into my program and they have access to a scheduling course.

[00:10:49] Jessica McKinley: They have access to then the replays of the call. So if they miss a call, maybe they have the thought, Oh, I have to catch up. And then they'll tell me, Oh, I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I had this thing. And so now I have to catch up. And I just, Right off the bat, one of the rules that I had to finally put in the intro onboarding call for everyone is we don't subscribe to catching up in this program.

[00:11:13] Jessica McKinley: That's not the purpose. You never have to catch up on anything. We focus on the future, and you start where you're at, and everything is to create more ease. So if something is not creating ease for you, Don't do it, like start simpler. And so I will say like, what is a way, I call it zooming out or zooming in.

[00:11:35] Jessica McKinley: Are you too zoomed out and you need to just zoom in and pick one thing, or you too zoomed in and you're trying to consume and do one thing and you're not really zooming out and seeing the big picture and know how to apply it to your life. So when someone tells me that they're overwhelmed, I'm usually looking for.

[00:11:53] Jessica McKinley: one of those jail thoughts again, one of the ways where they're telling me that they have to do all of these things that they don't have to do any of it. So let's start with what you want to do, what you want to create, and what's that result. And let's reverse engineer it. Let's say you're coming here and you're saying, okay, by the end of this month, I want my website to be Up and running.

[00:12:18] Jessica McKinley: I want it to be launched. And that's why you're coming here. But you forget because you get in here and there's all these modules and then your kid got sick and all the things that were in the thick of our day to day. I say, okay, let's just zoom out. What's the result you want to create by when set the deadline and then what are the only things what would be the simplest way to create that result and make it simple for yourself.

[00:12:41] Jessica McKinley: I know right now I'm about to leave for Costa Rica and my sister in law. She is there. It's like one of her, it's her first international trip with a child or she's her first kid is one and a half. And I'm like, yeah, like if, don't worry if you forget something, like we'll just buy it there. Or like my thought, I'm always looking for simpler ways to remind myself that this is all made up.

[00:13:06] Jessica McKinley: And that, like, if you're feeling overwhelmed, it's because you're taking a thought very seriously that either you made up or society made up. 

[00:13:17] Christa Biegler: I was going to ask if you ever get into, and I feel like not because you're really future focused, which is, I would say, productive to where we want to go, but there.

[00:13:27] Christa Biegler: Is a time space that people sometimes focus on past of like, where do I even get these rules from? So I'm not sure how much you end up digging into. A lot of times we tend to get some of that programming right from our family or somehow we somewhere we grew up in. How much do you tend to tap into that?

[00:13:43] Christa Biegler: Or how much does that come up with people? 

[00:13:45] Jessica McKinley: I would say that it comes up quite a bit and I'll touch on it maybe, but very, very little. I care less about why you're thinking the way that you are. Usually it's an arbitrary path of the most random things that led you to believing the belief that you have.

[00:14:03] Jessica McKinley: Who cares? If you don't want to believe it anymore, we just get to decide what you want to believe now. And that's what I think has led me to have this life that Created that hilarious intro bio of my life is it's like I was traveling, I studying abroad and then I knew I wasn't done traveling and I was like, I just want to be in Spain.

[00:14:25] Jessica McKinley: I love Spain so much. I want to go back. What's a way that I can do it. I didn't spend much time thinking about well, I just spent the past five years getting a degree in something that is not going to make sense in Spain. Had I spent time being like, well, what should I do about this degree? And like, should I try and find a solution that makes sense with my past?

[00:14:51] Jessica McKinley: I would have missed out on the opportunities that came to me that I absolutely agreed with my future. 

[00:15:00] Christa Biegler: I wonder if, when I hear that, I hear the barrier. I hear the objection that is, she must be a fast decision maker. 

[00:15:08] Jessica McKinley: I am a fast decision maker. Absolutely. 

[00:15:11] Christa Biegler: What do you say to people who like want to have analysis paralysis around decision making or find themselves subscribing to analysis paralysis all the time?

[00:15:20] Jessica McKinley: Yeah, it's interesting. When I ask people if they think of themselves as an effective decision maker or not. I like to just like say that, like, would you say you're an effective decision maker? Usually people want to have some sort of like breakdown of like, well, with big decisions, maybe I take this amount of time and with like the small decisions I make this amount of time.

[00:15:43] Jessica McKinley: And I'd find there's usually two camps. Either people are better at the smaller decisions and then they struggle with what they consider big decisions, putting that in quotes, but then there are other people that actually can't even figure out what they want on a menu at dinner, like they really struggle to use their own brain to make daily decisions, but with big decisions, they feel pretty clear.

[00:16:06] Jessica McKinley: Maybe they turn to their gut, whatever it is, and Yeah. I'll just say like, well, it's interesting because you're defining what's a big decision or not. Like, I never thought of my decision to move to Peru as a big decision. I was just like, do I want to move to Peru or not? Actually, the question was, am I going to get, make it?

[00:16:30] Jessica McKinley: On to the show, the NBC's show, The Sing Off, and we were in, like, the final cuts, and then we, were in the top 20 groups. They took 16. We didn't get in. And so I was like, all right, if this doesn't work out, what do I want to do next? And I was like, I think I want to make sure, like, solidify my Splanish fluency.

[00:16:47] Jessica McKinley: So then I was like, onward. And I was just like onward. And I didn't really care about the fact that I had just spent the last however many years like producing acapella festivals and like trying to pursue this music career. I was like, well, that's not working out. So on to the next. Right. And if I thought of that as a big decision, which in hindsight, right, , it changed my life, but There's no upside or I can't think I see the upside of thinking of a decision as big.

[00:17:16] Jessica McKinley: I just think of them as decisions. And usually I try and make it as simple as possible. First of all, do I want to do this? Yes or no. And you can just gut feel that. I think oftentimes people will be like, yes, but. And then they really want evidence, so that's normal. Our brain wants evidence to support.

[00:17:38] Jessica McKinley: Here's the big thought error. What is the right decision to make?

[00:17:43] Christa Biegler: We are so afraid of making, wrong decisions. 

[00:17:46] Jessica McKinley: That is a big problem for an entrepreneur, especially because most of the decisions we're making either we've never made before or we just are not gonna have evidence for it being the right call until, We've made the decision and we're now taking action on it.

[00:18:03] Jessica McKinley: And so because of that, my philosophy is that there is no right decision. There's only the decision that we make right. 

[00:18:15] Christa Biegler: Only the decision that we make right. 

[00:18:18] Jessica McKinley: And if I follow the path of my life, like from when I was, applying to colleges, I didn't really think too much about, well, I need to go to the right school for me because I don't believe in that.

[00:18:31] Jessica McKinley: In fact, I don't even really believe in that when it comes to love, like I am in a very Very happy marriage, but I think of this as like a relationship of decision makings and re deciding to commit myself to this person and to our future over and over again. And I don't think that there's a right person out there for me.

[00:18:55] Jessica McKinley: So I wasn't putting so much pressure on this decision. I was just like, do I love this person? Do I want to build a future? Do we want to do this together? Does this work? Does this feel right? They're higher quality questions and the quality of your life. And the quality of your business, if you have one is only going to be equal to the quality of the questions that you're asking yourself.

[00:19:16] Christa Biegler: Let's unpack that because I feel like, the concept is like, oh, that's interesting, but must not apply to me. So let's make it apply. All right. 

[00:19:26] Christa Biegler: you said my life is equivalent to the quality of questions that I asked myself. I paraphrase that very much. So correct me and, or, let's have a little bit, can we have a story or two to unpack that?

[00:19:37] Jessica McKinley: Yes. So in terms of business, right? I'm a business coach. I help people get their business to a certain milestone or a place in their life that they want it to be. And usually most of my job is just watching people ask a really low quality question and trying to get an answer from there.

[00:20:03] Jessica McKinley: And they're feeling really stuck because they're like, well, should I? I don't know. Like, should I launch in September or should I launch in December? And I'm like, okay, well, it's not a very high quality question because you're putting yourself, usually what people do in that situation is they'll make them pros and cons list.

[00:20:24] Jessica McKinley: That's kind of what, how we're taught how to make decisions. And I prefer like a debate prep strategy where. Have you ever been on a debate team or participated in?

[00:20:35] Christa Biegler: I haven't, but I have cousins that are very debate team ish, but please.

[00:20:39] Jessica McKinley: I imagine your daughter, Natalie, is like, would 

[00:20:41] Christa Biegler: she wants to? Yeah, she would love to, but we don't have debate here, but in college, I think she can do it.

[00:20:46] Jessica McKinley: In college is when I really did it. I was an international affairs major and I was constantly debating on these like hot political topics. And what I would find is that in the beginning, I usually felt like I had an opinion before I went in and you want to be assigned the arguing for the one that you already believe in, right?

[00:21:04] Jessica McKinley: Because that feels the easiest. But when you're really good at debate prep, your job is to just believe yourself in whatever you're arguing for. So I got so good at debate prep that I'd get to any debate and I'd be like, there's no right answer. I just wouldn't, I would almost lose a sense of What my opinion is because I could believe whatever I focused on and I think that in terms of our own life, like maybe not in terms of morality, you don't want to go down this route.

[00:21:43] Jessica McKinley: But in terms of your own life, if you use this thing of should I launch in September or should I launch in December, let's say. Instead of being like, well, here are the pros and cons of launching in September. I asked the question, the high quality question, why is launching in September the obvious choice?

[00:22:03] Jessica McKinley: Why is it like the most delicious time to launch? And then I would do the same thing for December. And what happens as a result of that is you're sending your brain on a mission to provide you with evidence as to why, like, this is amazing and this is obvious and this is great, which is what you're doing in debate prep, right?

[00:22:25] Jessica McKinley: You're like, okay, like, definitely this is the answer here. And then you could do the same thing with December. And at the end, what you have is your brain in a very win win situation where you're like, okay. And then you just get to be like, I'll just pick one. And usually by the end, can like drop in and be like, okay, well, this one just feels a little better.

[00:22:48] Jessica McKinley: I don't know why. And you don't even have to quantify it because you have evidence to support it anyway. And you don't also feel like You're missing out necessarily. You're just like, they're all great options. It's great. So we just get to pick one. And that's where I like to put a deadline on myself because sometimes with life to like I've had lots of situations where I was like, Ooh, if I make this decision, it's like that movie Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow.

[00:23:11] Jessica McKinley: I know you're not a big movie person, but yeah, this movie is one of those things where she like, it's alternate world thing. I don't know whether she hits her head or something. Oh, she misses the subway train. And then the movie splits and it's showing her life for if she made the subway or if she missed it.

[00:23:29] Jessica McKinley: And there's this sister train of our life when we make a decision that like goes down the path that we could have decided. And how much time do you spend? Thinking about this life, this potential life that you could have had or that could have been. I watch people make, do this a lot with a big decision, like should I have kids or not?

[00:23:54] Jessica McKinley: It's not a high quality question. It's like, why is having children would be the most amazing option for you and why would the person that doesn't have kids, the version of you that doesn't have kids be such an amazing life. And then look at those two amazing lives, bless and release one, knowing that they're both amazing.

[00:24:16] Christa Biegler: I love that. And I want to give you an example that you helped me with. So I'm going to fill in here. So the topic is the quality of your life is dependent on the quality of questions that you ask yourself. And as you talk, I'm like, Oh, yeah, how do I like improve? Because I could not have come up with that as a high quality question.

[00:24:35] Christa Biegler: Which is just you being, I was like, if I could have Jess as an AI app, so I could ask the questions all the time and she could just somehow reformulate them because you do a good job. So actually, Jess, I hired Jess to help me with my thought, like stuff that you don't even understand, this is my tricky point.

[00:24:54] Christa Biegler: It's like, I don't know how to even describe this, but it was so good for my nervous system when we were done because every week you were like, well, here's the problem with that thought. And so there was a time where I was like, I need to change how I'm doing things because the way I'm doing things is going to burn me out.

[00:25:08] Christa Biegler: And I've been thinking about doing a podcast episode that is. Why my current version of my business is my favorite one and unpack that a little bit, but it's really, it starts kind of here. It really starts here. And so I remember, contemplating maybe with low quality questions, you know what I was going to do.

[00:25:25] Christa Biegler: And we tend to do that. We're like, okay, because honestly, is anyone living this, the exact life that they want? Or do most people feel like, oh, this could be a little bit better. This could be better. Maybe that's a rhetorical question. I don't really care what the answer is, but my personality tends to think everything's could be better right. 

[00:25:43] Christa Biegler: But my issue was when we were working together was if I keep going down the path and going, I'm just going to be burned out and then I'm not going to be a very good practitioner. So I need to change something because what we do is important. And so I was trying to decide how to do things and you forced me to ask some really good questions.

[00:26:00] Christa Biegler: You had told me like the way I was thinking about structuring the way I work with clients, I was thinking about it like it was a less valuable option, et cetera. And so I don't know if you came up with these questions or if we came up these together, but there's two questions I run. Most every decision from my business through now, and they are what would serve my clients the best?

[00:26:20] Christa Biegler: What would be the best service of the client? I actually know you, you came up with that question. You had said, no, you just have to decide the best way to serve your clients. That's the only answer. So I ran it through that filter plus without burning me out. Cause that wasn't really an option, right?

[00:26:33] Christa Biegler: Like, because of the lies we tell ourselves. We might say, Oh, people, because our opinion is this way, it's like, Oh, well, I must see this person every week. I mean, I've had people say to me, I'm like, here's the arrangement. Here's how often we're going to see each other. I have experience. I know how long it's going to take you to get these results and I'm available every week.

[00:26:52] Christa Biegler: If you want to show up and ask a question. And I had this gentleman say to me one time. Very black and white guy. He's like, well, I actually don't have time to come to your thing that you offer every week. So instead, could you just call me every week? No, I cannot, sir. That would be, I'm not going to do that actually for you.

[00:27:07] Christa Biegler: There are times and places where this makes that where the something might make sense around that, but 

[00:27:10] Jessica McKinley: yeah, you're paying me. A hundred K an hour, otherwise never. 

[00:27:16] Christa Biegler: Well, I'm just like there, if someone needs, if I've got an emergency, I pick up the phone and call someone that's a good service to them. I like to do it.

[00:27:23] Christa Biegler: Because you think that your time is more valuable than mine is not an acceptable answer. I'm sorry. Sorry. So sorry. Little joke, 

[00:27:30] Jessica McKinley: totally. Also very okay. For him to have that thought. Not okay. It's For you to then change your business model because he suggested it. 

[00:27:40] Christa Biegler: Yeah, totally. And that happens a lot.

[00:27:42] Christa Biegler: People have, they come home with their own thoughts. I'm like, Oh, I think you should do it. However I want you to. And I'm like, Ooh, sorry. I actually know what I'm doing here. And I have these policies in place to protect my sanity so I can be a good person for you. So I actually do not reply within 30 seconds to the time that you send me a message about your stuff.

[00:28:00] Christa Biegler: And that's because I know it's a big stressor for me. And our overall business mission in life is we all deserve a less stressed life. So I can still be in excellent service to you without burning myself out. Those are my only two qualifying questions. And now as a result of this, I have my favorite business model I've ever had.

[00:28:17] Christa Biegler: I very frequently have my colleagues, very curious about how I accomplish this. And I'm like. It really was high quality questions and you stopping me in my own bullshit thoughts and saying, Oh, well, you're like asking the wrong questions. You just have to say, what's the most valuable thing you could do to serve my clients essentially right? 

[00:28:36] Christa Biegler: And so that's always the decision. And if you ask my team. I am like a I'm a robot on these questions like all the time. I'm like, I regurgitate them constantly. I'm like, Oh no, the answer to the problem is this. This is how we make the decision. Is this in good service? And is this right? Like at the end of the day, cause another one of my mantras is if this was simple, what would it look like?

[00:28:56] Christa Biegler: We overcomplicate the hell out of everything. 

[00:28:58] Jessica McKinley: That's exactly what I'm going to add. I was going to add to that, which is that I think when I say high quality questions, people all often think like complex questions. Like what are these secret questions that you have? And I'm like, here's how I define a high quality question.

[00:29:15] Jessica McKinley: A high quality question is a question that sends your brain. I am a movie person. We're going to struggle here to connect with analogies, but, if you've seen the movie inside out, it's like a Pixar movie. 

[00:29:26] Christa Biegler: I'm familiar with it. Yeah. I've seen the excerpts.

[00:29:28] Jessica McKinley: So it's like all those little like people, the different emotions and your brain.

[00:29:32] Jessica McKinley: And I think of my brain like that, like it's this little like center where there's people, I'm sending them on missions by filtering with questions. So I'm like, Ooh, like I wonder. And when I say a question, my brain has these little guys and they're like, okay, cool. We're going to pull all of the evidence to support whatever question you just asked.

[00:29:55] Jessica McKinley: So an example of a low quality question would be a question that sends your brain on a mission to provide you with evidence that doesn't help you get the result that you want. 

[00:30:06] Christa Biegler: Okay. Let me like, just review that again. So low quality question is a question that just sends your brain on a, basically a rabbit hole looking for more evidence.

[00:30:16] Jessica McKinley: Evidence that won't support you getting the result that you want. So let's say for you in that particular example that you gave, the result you wanted was not to be burnt out. 

[00:30:27] Christa Biegler: Exactly. 

[00:30:28] Jessica McKinley: But the question you were asking was like, how should I structure these calls? And I was like, well, If you want to be not burned out, and the other result you wanted was to serve your clients at the highest level, what solution serves them at the highest level and doesn't burn you out?

[00:30:46] Christa Biegler: Exactly. 

[00:30:46] Jessica McKinley: And it's so simple. It's such a simple thing, but when you don't phrase the question that way, Your brain is going to be like, well, where does it go to evidence? It goes to your colleagues. What are your colleagues doing? What's the industry standard is another thing that I hear all the time. Oh my God. I could care less about what the industry standard is. 

[00:31:06] Christa Biegler: I was listening to a podcast of yours where the lawyer you were sitting by on the plane said, if we have to love our job, something about like, it's too bad what we, and when we do what we love, we have to be paid really lowly to do what we love or something like that.

[00:31:17] Christa Biegler: And you were like, Oh, I don't really. Cause he, I think didn't make money on the case. 

[00:31:21] Jessica McKinley: Yeah. He's like a defense. Attorney just like wasn't

[00:31:24] Christa Biegler: immigrants. Yeah. And yeah, he couldn't do well, but he loved, he was passionate about it, which is it. Yeah. I mean, that's a bit, maybe too much to unpack.

[00:31:32] Jessica McKinley: Well, what's interesting about what you said though, then is that then I have on the flip side, I have my clients who feel like. They feel bad charging for the things that are fun for them and that they're good at. Yeah. And I'm like, is that messed up that we believe that, oh, we should only accept a lot of money when we're miserable doing what we're doing? 

[00:31:55] Christa Biegler: I know that is a very sad belief, which is like kind of tells us why people feel the way they do in the world. 

[00:32:02] Jessica McKinley: Yeah. We're like, Oh, work is you should be miserable. It should be hard.

[00:32:06] Jessica McKinley: It should take a lot of your time. That's how you know that you're earning what you deserve is like, you have to be like working really hard. And I'm like, I have a lot of clients who will say, well, like, Oh, what do you say if you're going on vacation? Like, what do you say to your clients?

[00:32:23] Jessica McKinley: Like, I'm going to be away. I'm going to be, do you not post, you feel awkward posting that you're like away when they have. And I'm like, I feel zero of those things because I don't spend time worrying about their confused thoughts about time. I'm very clear about how I teach time and how time should be spent, and if they want to come and learn that, I attract a client who Similarly, believes in my values about time. It's for them. 

[00:32:52] Christa Biegler: It's funny you bring that up because I was laughing at my own baloney earlier today. I was thinking about how I wanted to go through every one of my clients case things to just make sure everything was just perfect before I left. Even though it's fine. There are systems in place for everything. 

[00:33:13] Christa Biegler: And I've just let them know, like I'm going on a pilgrimage with my daughter, I will reply as I can. And you are taken care of. This was literally planned a year ago for you, literally for you. I planned this for you. Like you're all in a perfect place. And so it's really funny that that also the thought I have, because we tend to want to fill our plate with crap and it's like we struggle with letting go of things.

[00:33:34] Christa Biegler: My thoughts this morning were like, man, where am I going to like have time to go through all of this stuff? I mean, to go through for all of that stuff, which I created, I didn't promise it to anybody. I didn't really say it. Yeah. Necessarily allow it to maybe anyone, but my team, but I made it up for myself right. And so why the hell do we make up these stories? You know, I don't know. 

[00:33:51] Jessica McKinley: Yeah. mean, I do think part of it right is society and just like the evolution of where we're at because we're in, and I know in the country that we live in the US right we are in like a post materialistic place in society where we have the basic needs, most of us, and so what at that point we start to put on like, okay, our industry and society was set up.

[00:34:17] Jessica McKinley: To produce like as an industrialist of steel, what we're taught in school is like based on industrialist society and we don't have that anymore. It's not necessary. So then we feel like if we're not producing something that is tangible and concrete in the way that we were taught in school that it needs to be, then we feel like we're a waste or that we're unworthy or that the time is wasted.

[00:34:44] Jessica McKinley: And I even entrepreneurs rest. Right. Worthy of rest. Even I have a client. Her goal for this year is a million in revenue. And she hit like 515 this month. And I watch other clients in my mastermind who are lower in revenue. And be like, Oh my gosh, like, what are your secrets to your scheduling?

[00:35:05] Jessica McKinley: And I'm like, it's interesting. You guys be careful. Cause there's growth at every level. So her growth and I was like coaching her today. Like I'm going to be harsh with you. Now your growth is actually to schedule time to do nothing. And she's like, Oh no, I do nothing. Sometimes I drive a lot. So like, I just listened to podcasts and I'm like, that is not doing nothing.

[00:35:27] Jessica McKinley: I'm going to challenge you. You're consuming and you're not giving your brain time to just be with itself. I'm going to assign you 10 minutes a day for the next 30 days as an experiment, where you're not allowed to consume anything. You're not allowed to do anything. And how's it gonna feel? And that's when the real stuff comes up.

[00:35:49] Jessica McKinley: When like you give yourself a space and you're used to that hustle, hustle, go, go. Know your tendency, right? Because you and I, we have the tendency to overproduce, to always be looking for productivity, to validate us, to be taking action, to be getting where worthiness comes from. Who are we if we're not producing?

[00:36:10] Christa Biegler: I think this is where, of all the coaching and different things I did working with you was one of my favorite. And then the other favorite I have, which now I do is this type of breathwork practice because you do like for someone who has struggled to kind of let go, like you're focused on your breath.

[00:36:26] Christa Biegler: So now, by the way, you're getting all of these like actual physiological benefits by Exercising your diaphragm, by the way, it's stimulating your lymph and all this nerdy stuff that I won't go off on right now, but then also it gives you, it allows you to open up your space. And some of my like business girlfriends and I, we, when we have to make decisions, sometimes we need to like, take it to that empty space of breath work. 

[00:36:47] Christa Biegler: I mean, , you can do things different ways, but we kind of ask yourself conscious mind to step forward and you're like a parent mind, right? Your logical mind to step back. So you can like actually let some of that magic shine through, which has been beautiful, right? It's like how you feel.

[00:37:00] Christa Biegler: And I think you do such a good, extremely tangible job of helping someone feel different. Like that's what I noticed from working with you. It doesn't feel like that would be the outcome, but I was like, Oh, my nervous system just felt so good because instead of having Thoughts in my head that weren't really helpful.

[00:37:15] Christa Biegler: It was like, we just solve the problem. As you say, it's like, oh, it's just everything you want to do is just a math problem. You just have to solve the problem, which might sound unattractive to some people. Oh, I know. And like, the people like me are like that too. Like another person on my team just loves you because she's like, we have similar.

[00:37:31] Christa Biegler: We're wired a little bit similarly, and that's fine. Yeah. 

[00:37:33] Christa Biegler: Right. Yeah. We're wired like that. 

[00:37:34] Jessica McKinley: And I think I describe my program as like a hybrid between the math and the magic and like the woo and the like strategy. Because I was raised in a household like of like, Sales and sports. Like my family is all athletes and they're very like logical about training and 

[00:37:56] Christa Biegler: you're not a musician.

[00:37:57] Jessica McKinley: Yeah, right. I was always the outlier, but I was raised in this environment. I saw the value of it. I like I'm a product of that for sure. But I think my nature is to be more intuitive and to listen to my body and to kind of like, I struggle with the word manifest because I believe that there's so much action as a part of the process and goal setting.

[00:38:20] Jessica McKinley: However, I teach a concept called the let go, which is where, right, we decide the result that we want to create. We reverse engineer the action plan, the feeling that you need to feel in order to show up to that plan, the beliefs and the high quality questions that you need to have as the foundation in order to feel what you need to feel to take the action.

[00:38:41] Jessica McKinley: And then once you're in the action plan, letting go of it, having to happen the way you want it to happen because that's where people are like, oh, you don't understand. I would love to do scheduling. I'd love to do your program. It sounds nice for other people, but you don't understand. Like I just couldn't schedule because one thing or another, my top four are like my work is creative, so I don't know how long it would take me to do this.

[00:39:09] Jessica McKinley: I'm a mom of young kids. Like I get interrupted all the time. I could never schedule. It'd be a waste of my time. Or I just really like I'm a spontaneous person. I value my freedom. And I actually have very similar stories and identity to all of those, which is why I created scheduling my way to apply to anyone because the truth is that at the end of the day, you're not scheduling for the purpose of then trying to micromanage everyone around you to like, go with your schedule.

[00:39:41] Jessica McKinley: You schedule so that you can make as many decisions as possible in advance. So that you can access your own wisdom and be intentional about where you want to go. And then, like, release the entitlement for your day to have to go the way you expect it to go. It doesn't mean you don't have a clue what you're doing in the process.

[00:40:03] Jessica McKinley: It doesn't mean you don't understand where your priorities are. That way, when someone does come in and ask you, like, Hey, can you just give me a call? And you have nothing on your schedule, you're like, Well, I guess I could just call you every week. Like, Yeah, you could, but that would create a life that was dictated by someone else and not by you.

[00:40:21] Jessica McKinley: Maybe not the most productive for your biggest life. 

[00:40:23] Christa Biegler: You just mentioned that you're kind of a mixture between math and Magic and I, look, I scrolled through your Instagram feed before we got here and you had a, I think it was a road doll quote, which, by the way, I hate road doll, from childhood, which is hilarious.

[00:40:36] Christa Biegler: Now that I say that out loud, anyway, that says a lot about the family I grew up in. I was like this. These stories are mortified. Anyway, I might, I could be wrong. Maybe it wasn't wrote doll. I've really got off on a tangent. You have a quote that says those who don't believe in magic will never find it.

[00:40:51] Christa Biegler: And sometimes, and like that one kind of hit me because sometimes I think as a parent, I grew up with such serious parents that really didn't take time to play. My mother in law always takes time to play. So I have to really lean into, I feel like a lot of really where I need to spend probably time now is applying all of the things I learned from really you to my parenting life right. 

[00:41:09] Christa Biegler: And I have been, it's like, what kind of mother am I? But what I really want to say is, okay, so those who don't believe in magic will never find it. This reminds me of the concept of these stories, and you kind of laid out some things on how you do this, but what we've been talking about through and through and through is people saying like, that's nice, but this, that's not, but this, can we talk a little bit about how to believe new stories about yourself? Cause this is an age old thing, affirmations and people are like, affirmations don't work because you don't believe them. So, how do you believe a new story about yourself? I know that's a really hard question. It's kind of the last one. 

[00:41:46] Jessica McKinley: It's actually not right now on my whiteboard right there that I'm looking at is seven steps to believing new things.

[00:41:57] Jessica McKinley: Are you ready? It looks like you knew what was on my whiteboard. I just did a live workshop with my clients, in the masterful CEO school. And one of the things that we focused the whole live workshop on was believing new things because we're about halfway through. So my clients were, we worked together for six months.

[00:42:14] Jessica McKinley: They're all entrepreneurs in different fields. And in the beginning, we're doing a lot more of that strategy stuff. They're learning my process for scheduling and for money management, putting in some systems and while we're doing some coaching, but then halfway through, usually what happens is that they have like the structure for success, but they're still really holding on to a lot of these outdated stories about themselves, about their business, about what's possible. And so I was like, okay, it's nice. Now you have the thoughts that you want to think, but how do you get to believe them? So it's not something that I could fully go through with you guys, but step one essentially is to get conscious.

[00:42:54] Jessica McKinley: So to just be aware of what thoughts You are thinking and if these thoughts are going to help you get to that place that you want to go and just being aware of it. That's it's impossible to do any of this work unless you're aware that you even have a thought. And for me, one of the thoughts that I changed and let go of that was really, was embarrassing to me when I realized I had this thought was like, must be nice.

[00:43:21] Jessica McKinley: And this was when I was. It's a single mom and I just had like a bit of a victim story and. I would say I tried to not have it and I kept being reinforced by everyone around me. Like people were like, Oh, like poor you, you single mom, you like, that must really be terrible. And I was like, Oh yeah, you know what?

[00:43:40] Jessica McKinley: It is hard. And like, it was hard, but the story of the things that I wanted being out of reach and it must be nice for other people made it impossible for me to find creative solutions to get the things that I wanted. And so once I was conscious of it, okay, then you can get somewhere. Step two, remember that your thoughts are not facts.

[00:44:02] Jessica McKinley: So I think sometimes we've practiced a thought so often that we just like report it as the news. It just comes out. And that's how, what I do with my clients. Like you would come to me in a session, you just say something, you think you're telling me the truth. And it doesn't mean that it's not true. It just means that it's not a fact.

[00:44:25] Jessica McKinley: Difference between truth and fact. And I could have a whole podcast episode on that, but essentially you could be like, okay, this couch that I'm sitting on, this is a couch, that's a fact. This couch is comfortable. That's not a fact. That's my truth. That's what I'm focusing on about it. It doesn't matter.

[00:44:47] Jessica McKinley: People will be like, but it's true. And they're like trying to back up these thoughts to support something that. They don't even want, they're like arguing for their limitations, right? So it's about just reminding yourself that, listen, just because, Oh, Oh, we're in a recession. People are like, people don't have money right now.

[00:45:02] Jessica McKinley: People want to tell me all the time. People aren't buying. People don't have money. And I'm like, really? I have money. I'm buying things. I'm going on vacation next week. People have money. You're focusing on the people who are telling you that they don't have money. We're not going to focus there anymore, right? So find, remember your thoughts are not facts. 

[00:45:16] Jessica McKinley: Then step three, decide what you want to create, think, and believe. So get really intentional. Like what is something that you would like to believe that you don't yet believe? My clients at this point, when we were doing this, They were at step three, they had done this work, but they were like feeling kind of stuck there.

[00:45:32] Jessica McKinley: I know what I want to believe, but how do I do it? 

[00:45:34] Jessica McKinley: Step four is to visualize it. So it's to really like back it up. I know you've experienced this type of work. Anyone that I know that is making over a million dollars has visualization somewhere in their practice, whether it's daily, whether it's, with a professional that they carve out time for however they do it.

[00:45:54] Jessica McKinley: It's very important for you to, put space, I just sent out an email about this, I don't know if you happen to see it, talking about how there was old stats saying that, the brain could not tell the difference between an imagination and a memory, and then actually there were things that came out that were like, oh, that's not true, and I was like, ugh, That's a bummer.

[00:46:16] Jessica McKinley: I feel like I've been doing this with my clients and it's been working. So actually there's, it can be possible, but there's a lot of, caveats. There has to be some reality as a part of it. And it has to be really, really vivid. So doing vivid visualization. I actually have an episode on my own podcast, sincerely future you, I'm sure Krista will link it in the show notes or something.

[00:46:37] Jessica McKinley: And, I have a visualization that I did with my clients at this. Live event that I'm going to be sharing on the podcast next week. So you can do that guided.

[00:46:46] Jessica McKinley: Step five is zone in on the new beliefs. So this looks like practicing them. So let's say you were like, let's do it with you. What's something you want to believe, but you don't yet believe that

[00:46:57] Christa Biegler: it's funny that you say that because what can happen to me is I have very good intentions and I've been evaluating this, but I have good intentions.

[00:47:03] Christa Biegler: I write things down. So I recently wrote like down the new beliefs that I want to have. So I actually know what the hell I can answer. 

[00:47:08] Jessica McKinley: Yes. 

[00:47:09] Christa Biegler: It was the point problem is I sometimes lose the notebook and then I don't. So here's the thing is zoning in. I'm like, I need to stick this everywhere. So I believe a new belief I would like to have is like, I'm a warm, loving mother.

[00:47:21] Jessica McKinley: Okay, great. So you're thinking I'm a warm, loving mother. I'm a warm, loving mother. What happens when you think I'm a warm, loving mother? When you try on that thought, what happens? How do you feel now when you try it on? 

[00:47:31] Christa Biegler: I feel a little doubt, honestly. 

[00:47:33] Jessica McKinley: Totally. That's what the answer I was looking for, right?

[00:47:36] Jessica McKinley: Because if we're trying to believe something new. We don't believe it right now. Like that's the nature of it. That's normal. You shouldn't. And when I asked people that they'd be like, Oh, I feel great. And I'm like, no, you don't feel great because you don't actually believe it yet. You feel maybe puny or silly or doubt or whatever you feel like a fraud.

[00:47:54] Jessica McKinley: Then we say, okay, why, what counter thoughts, what contradictory thoughts are coming up for you when you try and think I'm a warm, loving mother, what else does your brain say? 

[00:48:06] Christa Biegler: My brain says, no, but you react brashly often, or like, sometimes like anger comes out before you stop and whatever or you hold, let's call it a grudge or anger over your child's head. So then, 

[00:48:19] Jessica McKinley: okay. Amazing. So what I would say that you should do is then write down. Practice the thought, write down the thought that you want to think, then write down how it feels like on a scale of zero to ten, where you're at in believing it, and then write down all the contradictory thoughts that pop up for you.

[00:48:35] Jessica McKinley: Sometimes I'm angry, I did this, all the evidence that your brain is using to support that old story that you're not, and then you're going to come up with a counter thought to each of these conflicting thoughts. 

[00:48:52] Jessica McKinley: So if you said, Oh, I actually came out and was like, angry with my kid. What would you say to yourself if you were countering that thought?

[00:49:05] Jessica McKinley: Well, I think, I almost said lots of things there. I hope I get this right. So the answer or the counter for me is like, I just have to stop and like, take a pause before reacting next time. I don't know if that's what you were looking for. 

[00:49:19] Christa Biegler: Well, there is no right answer, and I think that that, well, first of all, backs up my point from before.

[00:49:24] Christa Biegler: There's no right answer. It's only the answer we make right, but truly it's that, I mean, there's so many different counter thoughts that we can have. It doesn't really matter what new thoughts we have. We just have to find them so that we can then have those to support it. We have to find all the supporting thoughts to our new belief that we want to believe.

[00:49:44] Christa Biegler: So one, have tons that come to mind when you say this. My thought is. I'm a warm mom, and I snap all the time. Warm moms snap sometimes. My other thought is, Oh, in the past, I have done this, but going forward, I am going to be doing it less and less. I'm working on it. I know how to do it right. 

[00:50:06] Christa Biegler: Yeah. Just because I've done it. So that's pretty fun. Right. 

[00:50:09] Jessica McKinley: Yeah. 

[00:50:09] Christa Biegler: Like I originally had a visceral response, like, Oh, I believe that thought. 

[00:50:12] Jessica McKinley: Yeah. Right, right. Exactly. You're like, Oh no, I do. And do you believe that I'm a warm mom? 

[00:50:18] Christa Biegler: Yes, I do. 

[00:50:19] Jessica McKinley: Yeah, I rage at my son, like, I actually tore a vocal cord one day, like, from screaming at my kid, and don't do that often, I don't love that side of myself when it comes out, but it doesn't undermine my identity because I Believe it because you don't believe it when you're kind and when you're warm, you're like, yeah, but, and your brain wants to focus on the time that you yelled or that you held a grudge, right?

[00:50:44] Jessica McKinley: It doesn't even have to be true. The evidence can be like, start to shift in your favor and your brain is still going to want to focus on the problem. 

[00:50:52] Christa Biegler: It's such a pain in the ass. It's just rude. Like someone asked me a question the other day. She's like, Oh, is that mean this is like, not going to work?

[00:51:01] Christa Biegler: And blah, blah, blah. I was like, That was a very amygdala brain statement, like not even, I was like, it was like hard to respond to because I'm like, Oh, this is such an emotion, not a real, it's like, not a fact. It's just such an emotion, 

[00:51:15] Jessica McKinley: brains. Yeah. And so like, we need to use our brain instead of arguing with our brain.

[00:51:21] Jessica McKinley: So we get to be like, okay, brain, that's true. And like, maybe that's true that I, got angrier that I've held grudges in the past, but also this is true. And I did this with myself as I was trying to practice believing that I was making all the right decisions for my son when he was little and I was like just terrified at all times that I was going to like ruin his life by just being alone in the decision making right?

[00:51:48] Jessica McKinley: And I wasn't. I co parent very well with my ex husband, but, in that time, everything felt so uncertain. I didn't believe any of the thoughts. I didn't believe I was going to have money to support him. And so I had to practice believing I was going to have money so I was able to make the decisions I needed to make from sound judgment instead of from emotion in my business.

[00:52:07] Christa Biegler: Isn't it great you had all these bad experiences so you could have this good, all of this experience? 

[00:52:12] Jessica McKinley: I think that all the time and that's a really good thing you guys could use. If anyone's like trying to think of thought right now and they're like pulling all of these bad experiences, you get to have as a counter thought, this experience is going to just Make such a good intro to my TED talk, 

[00:52:28] Christa Biegler: right?

[00:52:29] Christa Biegler: Everything is born out of adversity, right? Like there is no successful person that you could meet or know that hasn't faced adversity. 

[00:52:37] Jessica McKinley: Yeah.

[00:52:37] Christa Biegler: Like that's all there is to it. 

[00:52:39] Jessica McKinley: And I can hear an objection of someone listening to like, Oh my gosh, I'm so privileged. This sucks.

[00:52:44] Jessica McKinley: Like I, I'm white, I'm male, I'm this, I'm that. Like I'm not going to have any good like impact on the world. I can't be. Crazy successful because I haven't had adversity put yourself in harm's way like I'm putting that in quotes But like put yourself in a position to fail put yourself in a position to fall on your face and from that failure You will have stories to tell you will have lessons to give off to your, the audience 

[00:53:14] Christa Biegler: zoned in on these new beliefs and there was lots of sub pieces. 

[00:53:18] Jessica McKinley: Yes. Okay. So zoning in on this new belief, you have the contradictory evidence and then you're writing. A letter from your future self, right? So you're writing. Yep. You're just writing a letter from your future self, telling you the future self that's already believes it, that already has the result that you want.

[00:53:36] Jessica McKinley: What would she say to you when you're having this like fit and tantrum to yourself? Sometimes it's just like one sentence, right? 

[00:53:43] Jessica McKinley: Okay. Step six, make room for awkwardness and discomfort. By nature, when you're practicing believing something new, you don't yet believe it. There's going to be cognitive dissonance, that's the psych term, when we're practicing two thoughts at the same time.

[00:53:56] Jessica McKinley: It just feels terrible. Your brain wants to explode. 

[00:53:59] Christa Biegler: And I have to give you the example that happened to me already as we walked through this particular exercise. It was like, decide, get visualized, whatever. I was trying to zone, when I was trying to think about zoning and new beliefs, I was like, I feel like I got to hang this around.

[00:54:11] Christa Biegler: So I don't forget these beliefs that I want to have. Cause like, there's a few different ones I want to be practicing. But I was like, well, that's kind of awkward. Cause then, my husband might be like, what is it? I'm like, I was already embarrassed in my head to like, hang my new beliefs on the mirror.

[00:54:26] Christa Biegler: Like, really, that's what's going on in my head. 

[00:54:29] Jessica McKinley: This is so good because. I didn't even think about that. But when I say make room for awkwardness and discomfort, I was thinking about it in your own head. But also when I was practicing those beliefs that I didn't, that I do now believe in hindsight, I think about having to make room for other people to be confused, for other people to be uncomfortable about your new evolution.

[00:54:53] Jessica McKinley: Because if you're trying to make a big leap in identity, I remember for me when I was going into the fitness coaching, which is when we met. Before that, I had never, like, run a mile without throwing up. Like, I'm not joking, like, for my family, who were athletes, were like, you're gonna be coaching people on fitness.

[00:55:10] Jessica McKinley: They were the opposite of supportive, and not in, like, a mean way, I didn't take it, they're, like, in a, like, a cheesy way, but, like,

[00:55:17] Christa Biegler: Right, I have this problem with my family on, like, 

[00:55:19] Christa Biegler: every day. 

[00:55:19] Jessica McKinley: Yeah. They just were like, who do you think you are? Okay. They were like, okay. My brother thought my Instagram account was a satirical fitness coaching pitch.

[00:55:27] Jessica McKinley: And so I always saw it. Sorry. I think it's hilarious. But basically the point is make room for the world and your own brain to all kind of be like, okay. And just make room for it. That's natural. That's normal. That's supposed to happen. 

[00:55:43] Jessica McKinley: And then step seven is to just practice it daily for 30 days. And I think if you do this, like, with visualization, with the counter thoughts for 30 days.

[00:55:53] Jessica McKinley: It's enough to believe a new thought. I mean, you have to take action on it to like back 

[00:55:58] Jessica McKinley: it up. 

[00:55:59] Christa Biegler: Well, and I really actually appreciate the timeline because that's where the math is because I often listen for when people talk about things like, how long does it take for that to kind of really sink in and what kind of work needs to be done?

[00:56:09] Christa Biegler: It allows us to be, and I don't feel like you, I don't know if it's you or someone else that doesn't like the word realistic. My brain likes to be realistic. I hate the word. Realistic. I'm just like, well, whatever. I mean, we're going to for 30 days. It's like now forever. But it's not, it maybe won't happen in one day, that might be, you might be unrealistic.

[00:56:27] Jessica McKinley: Yes. Yes. That's fair. That's fair I see that. I see that. I hear that. Yeah. Okay. So 30 days. Realistic timeline, quote unquote. Yes. 

[00:56:36] Christa Biegler: Right. Helpful to have 

[00:56:37] Christa Biegler: a rule of thumb, 

[00:56:38] Jessica McKinley: and it's also okay if it takes you a year. 

[00:56:41] Christa Biegler: Yeah.

[00:56:41] Jessica McKinley: I think at the end of the day, however long it takes for you to believe in your dream life is worth it.

[00:56:49] Christa Biegler: However long it takes you to believe in your dream life is worth it. Hmm. Thank you for that. 

[00:56:54] Jessica McKinley: It's a good place to end. 

[00:56:55] Christa Biegler: Yeah, it really is. Thank you so much, Jess. Where can people find you online? 

[00:56:59] Jessica McKinley: You can find [email protected]. You can find my podcast is also sincerely future you for all y'all listeners.

[00:57:08] Jessica McKinley: And yeah, I'm really most active over on the Insta at Jess McKinley Ueno over there. And that's a weird spelling, but J E S S M C K I N L E Y Ueno, which is Japanese U Y E N O. 

[00:57:25] Christa Biegler: Thank you so much for coming on today. It is literally, it's always completely an abundant delight to have you. 

[00:57:34] Jessica McKinley: I have so much fun on your trip.

[00:57:36] Jessica McKinley: I can't wait to hear and see photos. We'll do a big photo batch exchange and then we'll go on our trip. And then afterwards we'll do another podcast together about our whole trip. It's going to be great. 

[00:57:47] Christa Biegler: It's going to be good. All right. Thank you so much. I honestly really believe that what the work you do, I'm like, I feel like for me, I have a hard time describing it, but I think it's very essential, valuable.

[00:57:57] Christa Biegler: I kind of wish I could like download it for everybody. So thank you so much. 

[00:58:00] Jessica McKinley: Thank you.

[00:58:02] Christa Biegler: Sharing and reviewing this podcast is the best way to help us succeed with our mission to help integrate the best of East and West and empower you to raise the bar on your health story. Just go to review this podcast. com forward slash less stressed life. That's review this podcast. com forward slash less stressed life.

[00:58:23] Christa Biegler: And you'll be taken directly to a page where you can insert your review and hit post.