How to make someone’s day with Howard Prager

This week on The Less Stressed Life Podcast, I welcome author, speaker, executive coach and leadership consultant Howard Prager.  This is such a feel-good episode. Howard tells us why it's important to make someone's day and easy, simple ways it can be done. We also talk about how stress can be a side effect of how you treat the people in your life. A recent study conducted by Workforce showed that 86% of respondents felt that happiness was the most important thing to them.  They would rather make less income and work less hours if it meant they were happy. 

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Small deeds to make someone's day
• The easiness of being thoughtful and kind
• 2 main emotions: fear and happiness
• How to rewire the neural pathways
• Howard's VIP model
• Let someone know they are important

ABOUT GUEST:
Howard Prager is president of Advance Learning Group, and an author, speaker, executive coach, and leadership consultant who strengthens people and organizations through insightful leadership and management programs. With extensive experience in F500 companies, consulting, and executive education, Howard’s work with small businesses, nonprofits, and large organizations has earned him eight professional awards. Howard brings his diverse talents and perspectives as an association leader, tuba player, and sports writer to all his work. He is an active volunteer, facilitator, and mentor in higher education, professional associations, and youth organizations. Howard is the author of Make Someone's Day: Becoming a Memorable Leader in Work and Live.

WHERE TO FIND:
Website: www.howardhprager.com
LinkedIn:  Howard H. Prager
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/howardhprager/

WHERE TO FIND CHRISTA:
Website: https://www.christabiegler.com/
Instagram: @anti.inflammatory.nutritionist
Leave a review, submit a questions for the podcast or take one of my quizzes here: https://www.christabiegler.com/links

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Christa: Stress is the inflammation that robs us of life, energy, and happiness. Our typical solutions for gut health and hormone balance have let a lot of us down we're overmedicated and underserved at the less stressed life. We are a community of health savvy women exploring solutions outside of our traditional western medicine toolbox and training to raise the bar and change our stories.

[00:00:26] Christa: Each week, our hope is that you leave our sessions inspired to learn, grow, and share these stories to raise the bar in your life and home.

[00:00:43] Christa: All right. Today on the Less Stress Life we have Howard Prager, who's the President of Advanced Learning Group. He's an author, speaker, executive coach, and leadership consultant who strengthens people and organizations through insightful leadership and management programs. 

[00:00:54] Christa: He's worked with small businesses, nonprofits, and large organizations to earn many professional awards and he brings his diverse talents and perspectives as an association leader, a tuba player, which I just got to hear him playing some tuba and sports writer to all of his work. He's an active volunteer facilitator and mentor in higher education, professional associations and youth organizations.

[00:01:14] Christa: Welcome Howard. 

[00:01:16] Howard: Thank you, Krista. Delighted to be here. Hello everyone. 

[00:01:19] Christa: So I was telling him a bit offline that his people sometimes ask where guests come from and some of them are, they land in my inbox. It's a pitch and so many of the pitches are not very good, but Howard's pitch was very good and I wanna share a little piece of it with you because it was very brief.

[00:01:35] Christa: So here was one of them. I actually got it a couple times and they were slightly different. But basically it said that there was a recent study conducted by workforce that showed 86% of The respondents felt that happiness was the most important thing to them. They would rather make less income and work less hours if it meant they were happy.

[00:01:50] Christa: Definitely think this is this like current generation. So we're gonna talk about happiness and stats around that and all the things because that is what life is tends to be about, is like, what does the end look like? But before we get into that, why are you pursuing podcast, Howard to talk about this?

[00:02:07] Christa: Because this is like, feel good topics and so it's very kind of you to do this. But why are you inspired, why is this your purpose, to do this work right now? 

[00:02:18] Howard: I feel that especially now, we all need to make learn how to make someone stay. How being kind, how being gracious, how being supportive of one another is something that seems to have run away from us a little bit.

[00:02:34] Howard: It's gotten away with all that's gone on in our lives with the stress from the pandemic, the uncivil discourse in the country, the economy, even working from home or not working from home, it's stressful either way. Adapting to the stresses of working in person or hybrid with no idea how safe, you, your colleagues are, your customers are, increasing pressures from everyday events. The increasing demands of kids and families, and now the supply chain turmoil has made things even more problematic. Problematic with lengthy delays for baby formula, for heaven's sakes. I can understand the microchips, but baby formula, really?

[00:03:17] Howard: So these are things we're all facing and how do we deal with them? How do we deal with the stresses that we face? How can we be kinder to one another and in turn feel better ourselves? That's what makes someone stay is all about and it's the concept that I want to get out. 

[00:03:35] Howard: So in your question of why podcasts, because I feel that this is a concept, it's a book too, and I'd love people to buy the book, but I'd rather have them start making someone's stay and making that part of their lives. Because if we do, we're gonna just increase the gratitude, appreciation, and kindness in the world. And that's what I'd like to see. 

[00:03:57] Christa: Well, that's again, a feel good topic. And it's like, I think the thing that is hard to sell is like something that we know we should do, but we don't, right? And actually kind of a, sneaky side effect of stress is how you treat other people.

[00:04:13] Christa: So if you're treating the people you live with with short temper, et cetera, it's probably because we're un under stress whether we realize it or not. I like to tell people That the people that we cannot help in our practice are the ones who don't realize that they're under stress or they don't feel that it's something that they can change or whatnot.

[00:04:32] Christa: But to kind of round this out, there is this, thing I sometimes talk about here, but in general, someone once said to me, and this stuck so hard that there's really two main emotions, fear and happiness, , and we act out of one of those. 

[00:04:44] Christa: It's like if we're angry, I like to stop and say like, oh, what about this is fearful? But the other one is happiness, and that's the feeling that we want. You just gave so many examples of like, the world is stressful, it's a challenge, but if it was as easy as just choosing happiness, why don't we do that automatically?

[00:05:01] Christa: What holds us up from doing this and why is there now a movement in like people feeling so discontent with their work where they'd rather have more purpose? That wasn't the case, a couple decades ago, right? In the previous generation, right howard? Am I making sense?

[00:05:17] Howard: Yeah . so, the previous generation, so if you think about, I'm a boomer, and if you think about pre-boom, or boomers, we grew up during the Vietnam War. So believe me, there are all sorts of stresses. The generation between that generation and now didn't necessarily have those same types of stresses, although nine 11 happened and certainly nine 11 impacted all of our lives.

[00:05:43] Howard: So there have been major stresses, major events in life that have affected who we are and how we see things. The other thing that happens is our brain, and you asked me this a little bit before we got on Krista, and you said maybe talk a little bit about neuroscience and such, and our brains are wired towards negativity.

[00:06:06] Howard: Hard to believe, but it is so much easier for our brains to go that route, to complain, to be upset, to be disappointed, to be sad. That for some reason is easier for the synapsis to connect. That is to be happy. So what we need to do is we need to rewire our brain. I don't mean taking the screwdriver or the laser beam inside.

[00:06:32] Howard: I mean, just be able to do things so that we see things. We see the glasses half full rather than half empty all the time. If we can do that, we can rewire our brain to happiness. We're going to be more happy. We're gonna spread more happiness, and we're gonna be a more joyful person. 

[00:06:51] Christa: So we're talking about, I think neuroplasticity, right?

[00:06:54] Christa: And neural like, 

[00:06:54] Howard: yes. 

[00:06:55] Christa: Rewiring neural pathways. I'm just gonna reiterate, I think sometimes we can feel guilty. Actually, let me back up, I think first of all, we don't realize how wired we are by our environment we grew up in, but that's kind of how we're all acting.

[00:07:08] Howard: Yeah, 

[00:07:08] Christa: I just have to spend like a couple hours around my family and then I understand some of my own behaviors or things that I've worked to overcome, and I've mentioned this several times on the podcast, but. One time one of my friends, I think it was an accident that she anonymously sent me the book, the Mindset.

[00:07:24] Christa: She like sent it from a used book site and it just didn't say who it was from. And I only read half the book and it changed my life by Carol Dweck. And it really talked about you have the choice to see things, how they are right. And she backed it by science and after a half of it I'd had enough, but I was like, oh, I didn't even realize.

[00:07:39] Christa: So you can't change what you don't know, first of all, and you just talked about being wired toward negativity and how it's easier for the synopsis, to fire toward negativity, because of our, what primitive brain, right? It's always looking for danger to protect us. It's more of a kind of a protective mechanism. It's always gonna look for the bad, and screen for that. 

[00:07:58] Howard: Yes. 

[00:07:58] Christa: Versus looking for the good and I was just with my father who is a Vietnam veteran last week. And he said some things like, oh, I don't wanna bother that person. Or he was always kind of a pessimist in my life for sure. And how could he not be right? Like he was literally, like I just think like he grew up with an alcoholic parent. How could he not be pessimistic? Right. Unless he was like, helped to see the other side. It is all like rainbows and butterflies. If like, we could just be happy, but how do we start to embody that when it's easier to stay negative, I think is the real question.

[00:08:34] Howard: Yes. That's great. Well, so you've got several great comments here, including referring to Carol Dweck, who talks about the growth mindset. That's a great, Ted talk to watch if your listeners are interested in that. 

[00:08:47] Howard: She says that there are two types of mindsets, a growth mindset where we see possibilities and a fixed mindset which says this is how we are and we're not changing.

[00:08:55] Howard: So great resource as far as Vietnam and just mindsets. I'll turn to popular culture and that's the TV show. This is us. And if listeners, if you happen to watch, this is Us. It's really, it's really a gripping. 

[00:09:11] Christa: This is like the only show I watch, howard. Thanks for talking about something. I actually know what you're talking about. 

[00:09:15] Howard: Alright, great. 

[00:09:16] Christa: I got the last episode on my DVR to finish. 

[00:09:19] Howard: Oh my gosh. Well we've been saving them up so we've got five to go cause we wanna watch them through the summer. So we're just watching him every couple weeks anyway.

[00:09:28] Howard: So Jack, who's the main character, the father in the whole story, his brother was a Vietnam veteran. He was too, but his brother was much more impacted by it and kind of became a hermit, a recluse, and lived in a trailer, didn't have much of a life, and all of a sudden, and I don't wanna give the show away if people hadn't seen it, but Jack's kids found his brother and discovered him and started to incorporate him in their lives, and it started to take him out of his shell and started to bring him back to life and bring some joy into his life.

[00:10:06] Howard: And you could see his personality changing and going up. Why? Because they did something they observed and saw him and said, Here's somebody we can really help, who's important in our lives, who we really didn't know that well, he's our only uncle and we wanna be able to have him here. And sure enough, you see throughout the show how he changes once this happens.

[00:10:28] Howard: Not completely. He's still easy to go back into that shell, back into that hermit, back into that negativity, but you see much more positivity in him towards the end of the series. 

[00:10:39] Christa: Well, what happened was someone let them know that he was cared about and that he's important. They were very persistent to do this.

[00:10:46] Howard: Yes yes. 

[00:10:47] Christa: So he came outta that shell, cause I was gonna ask you next like, well Howard, how do you make someone's, I mean, that's like your thing. So there's happiness, there's this, there's that. But how do you make someone's day because life is made up of a series of minutes and hours and days, right? Overall, 

[00:11:03] Howard: yes.

[00:11:04] Christa: And so that is kind of one example but they did that over a lot of time, but how, like on an average, I know like you can talk about both. How do you make someone's day in person? And how do you make it digitally as well? And I think that's actually part of what the pandemic, the kind of like dissonance that happened was that we felt one disconnected, we craved real connection.

[00:11:25] Christa: We got so fatigued by doing things in a digital nature. I mean, there was a time where I was registering for conferences and I just given up because by year two of them canceling, I'm like, I am actually just gonna not register for conferences anymore, cuz I don't wanna build up the momentum and then have to do it online.

[00:11:42] Christa: I have no interest in participating, I work on Zoom, it's wonderful, but I don't want to. I go to conferences to meet people. So how do you connect or how do you let someone know they're important or how do you make someone's day both in person and online? Or in this digital age.

[00:11:58] Howard: Sure. Let me give you examples of each. Let me start off with where I came up with a concept. Even though have lived my life this way, it never really dawned on me that this was a concept that others needed to learn about. And so what happened was I was commuting downtown by train and was at the train station early one morning, 6 15, 6 30 to get down there at a decent time, and a young woman came up to me with a clipboard.

[00:12:23] Howard: And she said, would you mind signing this petition? I said, no, happy to. What's it for? She says To get someone on the ballot for election. I said, oh, can you tell me who that might be? And I'm signing the petition and I'm think I'm the first person to sign it. And I did. And I said, oh, I know this guy.

[00:12:41] Howard: I'm happy to support getting him back on the ballot and back into office. So I gave the petition back to her not thinking much of it. It's early in the morning for heaven sakes, right? And she looked at me with the biggest eyes and she said, oh my gosh, you made my day Krista. Those are the foremost powerful words in the English language, saying thank you, saying I appreciate it.

[00:13:08] Howard: Saying that was nice, saying Wald on. Great job. Fantastic. None of them come close to you. Made my day and when she said those words to me, first of all, I'm thinking I signed the petition. That's how easy it is to do, doing something in the right way at the right time for what people need. That's the way to make someone stay.

[00:13:32] Howard: And for her it was having the petition signed. I don't know if I was the first person ever or the first person that morning, or she had been rejected a number of times. But those words echoed with me and I thought about the concept, the whole train ride down to work all day. And certainly coming home too, I started sketching out what I need to do to research and write a book on this because I thought, if this is so powerful in me, how will it be for others? Maybe others need to experience the wonder, the aura, the magic of making someone's day to the point that they say, you made my day. 

[00:14:09] Howard: So you asked about the online too, so I'm gonna give you a story from just last week. it is remarkable.

[00:14:16] Howard: A friend of mine is posting on Facebook and he's another management trainer and consultant and speaker, and he posted something really nice and he's also author of one book and one book that's coming out. And his co-author who's really the lead person who brought him into this wrote some nice comments about SQ and I decided I was gonna comment on her.

[00:14:42] Howard: And I said, Anne, thank you for being such a great mentor, role model and partner for my friend Sard. It has really made his life and you've done an a terrific job at choosing and working with him. And she, in that same Facebook feed, wrote back, you made my day. That's how easy it is to do. Even on Facebook, you can do it.

[00:15:12] Howard: I've gotten it notes, I've gotten it on text messages. You can do it on any social media platform right. Just look at what might that person need or what are you thinking or what are they saying that might resonate with you, or what are the things that you wanna say to them? And it is surprising how even online when someone says, you made my day, it really lights you up.

[00:15:39] Howard: It really gets you excited because what happens is your mirror neurons reflect their excitement. It's something that I think is probably more powerful in person when you hear it, but it also works online and that's how it can. 

[00:15:55] Christa: I was just thinking about how as humans, our tendency not only is to pick that negativity, but it's also to mostly care about ourselves versus everyone else.

[00:16:06] Christa: And one example of a definition of love that I've heard is that when you care about someone else as wellbeing more than your own. I think that is pretty exceptional because I don't think that's the default. It's much more easy to care about yourself than to someone else. 

[00:16:21] Christa: And if the goal is to make someone's day, or to get them to say, you made my day I think the expression is not the most important part, but it lets, you know, you checked the box, I guess, or it kind of gives you that mirroring or energy exchange and it's like a boomerang. Like I put this out into the world and it came back to me. There you go you have a boomerang right on the screen. 

[00:16:41] Christa: If I think about this, the real crux of this is to think about someone else before you a little bit. We were talking about neuro neurons, like rewiring neural pathways, and so I always like to describe neural pathways as like you being able to drive to work on autopilot.

[00:16:58] Christa: You don't even really think about it cuz you've done it so many times. That's a neural pathway. And so when you do something repeatedly, I mean try picking up your phone. And not going to a social media site if that's a neural pathway that you've created. It gets really difficult sometimes cuz it's like, oh, I have this like few minutes of time.

[00:17:14] Christa: I'm just gonna pick up and like see what the world wants from me right now. Or like, I'll just look at that. Those are neural pathways that we have developed and they can be hard to break. But if the neural pathway is wired toward negativity and and we want to route it toward positivity, I've seen like it takes between two and three weeks of very consistent effort of doing this to make a very clear change in your life and your chemistry, but rewiring that neural pathway you're describing like gratitude in some capacity.

[00:17:40] Christa: Like, oh, I'm so thankful that you have been this excellent mentor to my friend, even though like Howard, that had really nothing to do with you right. You're just showing a interest in someone else's life. Just like you were describing the character, the war veteran who was kind of a recluse and an alcoholic, because really he felt like no one cared about him when people persistently showed that they cared about him right. 

[00:18:02] Christa: So the farther recluse someone is maybe the harder it is to like, let them know that you have this genuine interest in them, whereas with like the group of friends you were talking about, they're already in a pretty healthy state right. So just saying, I really appreciate that. 

[00:18:16] Christa: People just don't get gratitude and kindness that isn't kind of rote or neural path like, it's not like, oh, help you have a good day. That's kind of like a little bit generic. You're looking at like a little bit something more specific that genuinely shows that you take an interest in that person and then they feel cared for.

[00:18:33] Christa: And then if they feel cared for, they're now like emanating out positive energy and it's filling your cup. That's how I feel like you're describing it. 

[00:18:41] Howard: Yes. Oh no, you're right. And what's funny, Krista, is that you'd think that this would be natural. I just thought, well, this is how I am and this is what life is like.

[00:18:52] Howard: And it's not natural. It's not normal for people to do. And so that's where I think it's so important that we talk about and that I talk about this and that's why I'm so pleased to be here today because it is something that we want to and that I want to propel in the world and propel in people that when you make someone's stay, not only are you doing something important, valuable for them, you too benefit through the boomerang effect because your mirror neurons light up. They light up to reflect back what the other person is feeling. 

[00:19:27] Howard: Let me share you a story and in fact I'm gonna read this one from the book. Connie works at a local public library. Every day connie sees Phyllis a bag lady in her seventies. She comes into the library, sets her stuff down on the table where she sits for most of the day.

[00:19:47] Howard: Have you been to a public library? Has anyone been to a public library and you've seen people like this, they look like they're homeless, they're just kinda, they there, they're there and like what are they doing there? So, Kai knows that Phyllis lives alone. She doesn't have any friends and believes she's had a hard life and is not well off.

[00:20:07] Howard: To the rest of the library staff. She's a crochety old lady and nuisance who seems bitter and unpleasant , and does really damages the atmosphere that the library is trying to provide. to Connie Phyllis is someone who desperately needed someone to make her day, and Connie found out that Phyllis's 80th birthday was coming up and wanted to see if she could connect with her by providing a little dignity and celebration.

[00:20:35] Howard: So Connie organized a surprise birthday party for her. With the reluctant help of the library staff who wondered, what the heck do you think you're doing? Why do we wanna celebrate Phyllis's birthday? Connie went ahead. She reserved the room. She ordered a cake, and she even got them to pitch in a little money and got some small presents for her.

[00:20:56] Howard: And she's was just hoping that this would be the attention that Phyllis needed, but she herself wasn't sure how she would take it. Everyone was cautious and skeptical going into the day. And on her birthday, Phyllis came into the library, 10:00 AM like she usually does, and plopped her stuff down.

[00:21:16] Howard: And with reluctance and obstinacy, Connie was able to pull Phyllis and say, I've gotta take you someplace. And Connie thinks that Didn't know what would happen. She said, come on Phyllis, you really need to come here with me just a minute. We'll go back and sit down afterwards, but I need you to come here to the conference room.

[00:21:36] Howard: So they open up the conference room door and they yell, surprise, and they're decorations, and there's a cake on the table and there's smiles around the room and Phyllis cried. Connie thinks Phyllis has never had a birthday party. Certainly not in many, many years. The cost to Connie sometime some money, some efforts, some coordination, and most importantly, the belief that everyone in life has a story and just needs to be given some attention.

[00:22:11] Howard: She felt that this was the way to get to Phyllis's heart and to preserve or bring back her humanity, and it worked out. The decoration cake presence and attention was all she could ever ask for. Phyllis was a totally different person afterward coming into the library every day with a smile. What can she do to help?

[00:22:33] Howard: And the staff now had a newfound appreciation of Phyllis, thanks to Connie for believing that all of us have humanity inside of us just waiting to come out, even Phyllis. Connie was so thrilled that she keeps photos of that event that happened several years ago on her phone so that she could always look at it and remember.

[00:22:56] Christa: I think my mother-in-law is Connie in this story and I live in this town where I've literally seen that exact situation happen before, which is pretty ama. 

[00:23:04] Christa: Yeah. I live in this very small town and people are like bend over backwards, nice to each other. It's a unusual place and I don't mind visiting cities or other places where it feels like it's not part of the culture where I live. It's like almost part of the culture, right? To help someone. 

[00:23:19] Christa: I think it more broadly it's become where that's gonna be the exception and not the norm. And how do you inspire something like this? How do you inspire making someone's day or happiness or gratitude if it's not the natural thing?

[00:23:35] Howard: Boy, that's a great setup. I've created something called the, v i P model because who doesn't wanna be treated like a V I P? And that's how you do it. The V is for view and observe. So view and observe I for identify and consider. And the P is for plan and act. So what's going on?

[00:23:58] Howard: When you view and observe what might someone need? You know, when your child spells friend, parent needs consolation, or support cheering up, or encouragement or praise. What about others around you? The more you know them, the easier this is. The less you know them, the more that you're gonna maybe take some chances and it's super easy to do when you're traveling.

[00:24:25] Howard: Oh my gosh. And that's starting to come back now. I've been on several flights lately. You see a couple who are split apart, not sitting together, a little disappointed. And if I happen to be sitting next to one of them, I'm happy to give up my seat so that they can sit together. Why not? Right? Doesn't cost me anything. 

[00:24:43] Howard: Helping put luggage if someone's struggling in the overhead compartment. There's so many simple ways to view and observe. Fiona is a friend of mine, believe it or not. I've got two laundry stories in the book. So Fiona was coming out of a meeting at a hotel, in downtown Washington, DC and she saw a couple in agony, in angst in worry.

[00:25:08] Howard: They were there. It turns out they're from Italy and their, little one or two year old son had spit up on so many outfits that they're out of clothes for him. Well beyond a few viewed this and said, I can do something about this. And so she went up to them and she said, excuse me, I hear your upsetness and I've got children.

[00:25:33] Howard: Let me take your clothes and especially the baby's clothes, let me wash them. I don't live far away. I can take 'em, do 'em. I'll bring them back tonight. Well, they're like, who's this stranger? Why is she doing this? What's going on? And sure enough, and they said, what do you want? And she said, just do something like this for someone who comes to your country.

[00:25:56] Howard: Who doesn't know anybody, who doesn't know what to do, who is struggling. It is my joy and pleasure to be able to do this for you, and in fact, she did and it absolutely made their day. Something as simple as that, as helping people with laundry. And as I say, there's two laundry stories in the book.

[00:26:16] Howard: It's just remarkable how something so simple. So viewing and observing what's going on. Then identifying, considering. 

[00:26:23] Howard: So Fiona might have just recommended, Hey, there's a cleaner down the street who can do the laundry or a laundry pad or maybe there's a used clothes door nearby or a department store where you can buy some new clothes.

[00:26:37] Howard: There are many options to consider when trying to get clean clothes. I have a friend at college who, instead of doing laundry, would buy new t-shirts every week. I'm not sure what he did with all those t-shirts at the end of the year, but that kept him from doing lunch. I don't know, I didn't ask him about everything else. But Fiona didn't need that.

[00:26:55] Howard: She knew that she could do the laundry for them easily and that could be something that would solve that problem. So that's the identify and consider the options. And then the P is the plan and act. And I've been saying lately that the P is also for pause. Now, sometimes it doesn't take any time to plan.

[00:27:15] Howard: You just need to do it right away, especially in an emergency situation. Someone's hurt, injured, there's an accident, there's just something needs to happen right away. So that's the pause comes in. Just pause for a couple of seconds. So much we're dictated in life by, oh my gosh, I've got an email or text.

[00:27:35] Howard: I better answer it immediately or else they'll think I'm a rotten person. And we don't give ourselves time to just think and compose a little bit. So plan, and then act. Do what may be needed. So again, Fiona thought about it, she planned and she acted. In lifesaving, I took lifesaving as a kid. I'm a scout leader.

[00:27:55] Howard: And the last thing you do is you go out, you go swim out to them. You try to reach, you try to throw them something to them. You try to do something that will help save their lives. And the last thing you do is you go out and you swim out to rescue them because that puts you in much greater danger.

[00:28:15] Howard: And so it's the same thing. What do you need to do? What's the thing that's gonna help you, that will keep you safe, but will also help them? So, plan v i p. View and observe. Identify and consider plan and act. 

[00:28:31] Christa: Well, I was thinking through that as you were giving those stories, and I was thinking about some common objections that could come up for people like, oh, Howard, this is really nice, but I don't have time.

[00:28:42] Christa: Or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But really the crux of that is belief. And so the only thing I think missing in general, anytime we view like Connie just believed that Phyllis was a worthy human right. 

[00:28:56] Howard: Yeah. 

[00:28:57] Christa: Fiona believed or she knew like maybe she had some empathy as well. Like she's felt those same feelings and she had a feeling like this wasn't gonna cost her any extra.

[00:29:06] Christa: Like she didn't feel it was gonna cost her any extra time. I mean, those were like thoughts though, right? That this person doesn't feel that it's gonna take them extra time. I think if we have the opinion that it needs to take us time, then that's like a negative neural pathway, right?

[00:29:21] Christa: Like we're choosing the negative side. But if we say, I can do something like this in 10 seconds or less or in 15 seconds or less, and I make it a goal to do something nice for someone every day, and I do it every day for two or three weeks. Now I've created almost a habit, a new neural pathway. I've reshaped my brain to be in a help.

[00:29:42] Christa: To be honest, if you don't shape positive neural pathways, it's actually really hard to heal from a medical perspective because that's in the rest and digest part of the autonomic nervous system. So if you're not in the rest and digest place and you're always in fight or flight or always looking for the tiger, which is the natural thing for your body to do, it's actually really hard to heal from that perspective.

[00:30:01] Christa: So even though I could ask you like, oh, this sounds really nice, Howard, and I can, you know, I think it really boils down to like, you have to believe that this is worthy of your time before anything else, and that it doesn't need to take a lot of time. And yeah, we all slip from things and that the purpose of this podcast is also a reminder of how to reset from that I think. 

[00:30:20] Christa: Those are some of my takeaways and I think anytime we are slipping, I look at podcasts as an opportunity for personal development. And I think if we are slacking on filling our own cup with personal development, it's really easy to slip away. Right? And so I think that this conversation serves as a cup filling a reminder, right?

[00:30:38] Christa: Of something nice that you could be doing for the person you're maybe sitting next to right now on your daily commute. 

[00:30:44] Christa: Howard, where can people find you online? 

[00:30:46] Howard: They can find me at my website. It's Howard h Prager. That's p r a g e r.com. Howard h prager.com. If they go there, they can even download a chapter from the book for free.

[00:31:01] Howard: Just sign up for my mailing list. It's not a onerous thing. It's once a month at most. I just send an update on make someone's stay and what's happening, new stories, new experiences. This podcast will be I'm there, so I'll share people and say, Hey, I got to be with Krista. I'm a. Less stressed live podcast.

[00:31:22] Howard: So it's just a little update for people to see what's going on. So howard h prager.com. They can also pick up the book at any of their favorite online stores or go to a bookstore and just ask them to order it because it's available that way as well. 

[00:31:36] Christa: Perfect. Thanks so much for coming on today and sharing your life's work.

[00:31:41] Howard: It is a joy. Thank you. it's been fun talking to you. I hope your listeners have enjoyed some of the stories and examples. Read the book is full of many more of them and there'll be more on the way and have them, Hey, if you're listening to this and you've got a story you wanna share or say, Hey, let others know about my experience, write me, let me know about them.

[00:32:02] Howard: Howard h prager.com. I'd love to hear and include you in future books and articles. 

[00:32:07] Christa: Perfect. 

[00:32:08] Howard: Thank you, Krista. 

[00:32:09] Christa: Thank you.

[00:32:09] Christa: Sharing and reviewing this podcast is the best way to help us succeed with our mission. To help integrate the best of East and West and empower you to raise the bar on your health story, just go to review this podcast.com/less stress life. That's review this podcast.com/less stressed life, and you'll be taken directly to a page where you can insert your review and hit post.